When there’s conflict, it means it’s working.

About 5 months ago, my husband and I actively began to work on strengthening our marriage.

Like many people during this pandemic, we were faced with aspects of how we were doing day to day that, simply put, weren’t serving us anymore.

In one of the books recommended to us by our therapist, Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, I read a statement that totally blew my mind.

In summary, the author says that when you’re experiencing conflict in your marriage, it often means things working in your relationship.

Wait, hold on.

Conflict means it’s working?

Aren’t we taught, over and over, to avoid conflict at all costs? Especially in romantic partnerships?

I don’t actually know that we’re actively taught that conflict is something to avoid. Instead, culturally we get the message that when a couple has those tough and hard to see eye-to-eye moments, it’s a red flag.

While I can agree that there are certain red flags that need to be addressed, stat (like abuse, or gaslighting) I’ve learned from the good and hard experiences of conscious partnerships: conflict doesn’t mean things are broken.

Conflict means it’s working.

I’ve been thinking about this idea, during this tumultuous time. After reading a lot of positions on the insurrection in DC last week, I see that we’re all experiencing extreme conflict in our connections.

Here are some ruminations for you, today. I’ll be sitting with them for the coming weeks and months, too.

What if the conflict you see or witness means that something is working?

What if the conflict you feel is an invitation to a new way of thinking?

What if in whatever you’re creating today, when you get to that impassable stage, you walk away and trust the conflict as part of the process?

The takeaway:

Conflict often means you’re meant to figure it out. You’re in the right spot in your life to deal with that conflict.

Instead of trying to fix things so you don’t experience conflict, get the resources you need to move through it. There’s a specific lesson just for you in the conflict.

In short, conflict means that something you’re doing is working.

Keep on keeping on, beloved.

Watch this 5 minute video for a few more thoughts on this blog…

Tell me in the comments below, what would change in your life if you viewed conflict as a sign you’re on the right path?

Embracing you on the path,