“WE ALREADY HAVE everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.Pema Chodron, Start Where You Are
Today, I drove up into the mountains to walk a certain path alone. Then, as I approached my planned place, I found – it was no longer an option for me to walk. (road closures in winter and such).
So, I found a random path. I’d never been on it, but I trusted that I’d enjoy the unknown.
5 years ago, I don’t think I would’ve been comfortable on a new path in the woods, alone.
I have no idea what woman I’m becoming, but I love her.
As I’ve been committed to changing the parts of me that no longer work, I’m often on the edge of discomfort. And I’m starting (slowly, surely) to appreciate that feeling because I know it’s blazing a new trail for my health and wellness to flourish even more.
Does that mean I’m comfortable with uncertainty? Nope. Actually, more often than I like it can spiral into anxiety that isn’t easily detected at first until I want to completely run away out of my own skin.
Yet, over time I’ve learned to lean into the feeling of wandering instead of running away.
For me, the idea of running away is thinking freedom is over there – at some other place and I have to go get it. And, not only do I have to go get it – I have to get it NOW.
Wandering, on the other hand, means being with what is – the good, bad, and all the tears. It means staying wide open to new trails, paths, or road closures.
Wandering, to me, means: maybe I don’t know, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’m becoming acquainted with my own type of freedom from wandering.
My personal freedom goes like this: falling in love with how my life is today, not in some fantasy that includes running far away from whats making me uncomfortable. (Spoiler alert, it always uncomfortable always catches you, no matter how far you run.)
To realize that you don’t need anything else than yourself to experience something new — well, to me that’s the greatest freedom of all.
As I walk paths I don’t know, heal the pains and traumas of my life, I trust that you can begin now. I know it’s possible, yet very intimidating. But/and you have all you’ve ever needed inside of you.
What’s yours will find you, after all.
I’ve curated a set of my teachings for a reasonable price ($17usd) that will guide you through a theme each month. This month’s theme is Start where you are. Click here to invest if you like what you see here and learn more about beginning while using your greatest tool ever: you.
To your wandering and your beginning –
R o s e